The Strange Table and Groundhog Day

By Dangerously Psycho

     Groundhog Day 1995 was just one week away, and the Strange Table knew that it was time to get ready to celebrate.
     The Strange Table is a group of Niles West students who claim and dominate any table in the Caf near Uncle Bob's Hot Dog Discount Factory Outlet from mods seventeen through nineteen. Their ethnic group consists of Sicko, who can take any sentence and find a disgusting, unintended interpretation of it; Annoying, who can immediately make anyone leave the area at his own will; Dangerously Psycho, the demented brains of the group; Drum Boy, who will beat a rhythm on anything that resonates; Dude, the always-hyper technician with a one-word vocabulary who aimlessly wanders around the Caf every day; and What, the man with the answer to each one of life's questions.
     On this particular January twenty-sixth, the Strange Table was appalled to learn that Groundhog Day was not granted a recess from school. The clan decided to hold a meeting to discuss this terrible fact.
     "We have to do something!" stated Psycho.
     "Yeah," quipped Drum Boy. "Groundhog Day is a very important time for many families to spend quality time together watching a funny-looking rodent get totally freaked."
     "You like to watch small burrowing things?" queried Sicko.
     "We're going to have to take this to the officials," decided What.
     That day after school, What and Annoying had a talk with whomever it is who's in charge of that area. Don't ask me who's responsible for our holidays. I'm making this up as I go.
     "Ladies and gentlemen, we would like to talk about the fact that there is school on a national holiday," began What.
     "And which day is that?" inquired the head of the board.
     "February second," answered Annoying. "How can we be held accountable for school work on Woodchuck Day?"
     "What???" asked the chairman.
     "Yes?" replied What.
     "Let me get this straight," confirmed the head. "You're upset because you have to go to school on Groundhog Day?"
     "Basically," replied What.
     "Are you psycho?"
     "No," retorted Annoying. "He's at home, but I'm Super Protractor Man!"
     Within the next two minutes, Annoying had succeeded in getting the two of them kicked out of the room. The team met at lunch the next day.
     "What are we going to do now?" queried Drum Boy.
     "They wouldn't even listen to us about Gerbil Day!" added Annoying.
     "Listen," suggested Psycho. "We have to form a devious plan. First, we'll fake What's death. Sicko can file a huge lawsuit against the school for excessive stress resulting in a student's death. We could get Shapiro as our lawyer, and have a big surprise ending, and music, and dancing, and... and..."
     Psycho slumped back in his chair, with a totally stoned look on his face.
     "This is what we're going to do," concluded What, "but we need Dude's help..."
     On the evening of February first, the Strange Table met at the Niles West student parking lot.
     "So, Dude," began Psycho, "what does this machine of yours do?"
     "Dude, dude, d-dude!" he explained.
     "Just watch." interrupted What.
     "Just watch? Oh, that's nasty!" blurted Sicko.
     "Now Annoying, Sicko, and Drum Boy, you all know what you have to do?" questioned What.
     "No, who?" asked Sicko.
     "Shut up!" yelled Drum Boy as he began beating on Sicko's head with a pair of mallets.
     "We remember." assured Annoying.
     "Good. We'll meet back here tomorrow." What activated and released the machine into the air. They all wished each other luck and ran off, just as snow began to fall from the metallic object.
     The next day, the Strange Table went to Niles West to celebrate the unexpected snow day. This happened with help from Drum Boy's improvised rock concert in the bus parking lot, incorporating a pair of two-by-fours, and by Annoying and Sicko personally visiting each teacher's home the previous evening. The clan congratulated each other, built a snowman, and went off to hunt some groundhogs.

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