The Strange Society Sits Around and Reminisces
about the Birth of Each Member

By Dangerously Psycho

     One uneventful schoolday, the Strange Society met in the band room after school.
     The Strange Society is a group of Niles West students on a mission of destruction. Their ethnic group consists of Sicko, who once spent an entire summer in California just staring at the giant redwood trees and laughing; Annoying, who heckles stand-up comedians until they cry; Dangerously Psycho, who has developed his own unique solution to the overpopulation problem; Drum Boy, who owns a TWENTY YEAR-OLD CAT; GOD, who has a secret contract with the Hair Club for Men; and What DeHelizat, who can read the Wingdings font.
     On this particular weekday, the Society sat down for a nice chat.
     "I've almost got it!" shouted Psycho, swinging madly with his axe, decapitating the tubas in the back of the room in the process.
     "Psycho, it's just a fly. Leave it alone!" suggested Drum Boy.
     "Oh," stated Psycho. "Well, you know me. I wouldn't even harm a fly." Psycho put away his weapon and joined the others in the corner of the room.
     "Joined the others, oh nasty!"
     Everyone stared in astonishment to the fact that Sicko had cried oh nasty to a part of the narration. No one was exactly certain how such an event occurred.
     "I'm kind of hungry," said Annoying.
     "So, how are all of your Strange abilities faring?" questioned GOD.
     "Great, I was slapped in the face seventeen times today!" answered Sicko.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "kO er'yehT," enunciated What.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "I rigged the driver's ed field with land mines today," spoke Drum Boy proudly.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "I recently had to rent another Public Storage garage for my bottled spleens," remarked Psycho.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "Well, it's good to see..." began GOD.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "Shut up already!" yelled Drum Boy.
     "Fine," stated Annoying.
     "Anyway, as I was saying, it's important that you all keep your Strange Powers at their maximum potential. Sometimes I fear that this human existence of ours weakens them.
     "Like I said, I'm hungry!" repeated Annoying.
     "Of course, in some cases, mortality sometimes benefits," added GOD. "If Annoying wasn't mortal, he wouldn't have anything to gripe about."
     "Wonderful," jeered Annoying.
     "So, wuddarwe gonna' do?" questioned What.
     "Go hunting?" suggested Psycho.
     "No, too early," explained What. "We're only on the second page of this story."
     "Let's go run a hose into the window of Mr. Puff's security office, turn on the faucet, and run!" offered Drum Boy.
     "That would make it the third time this week," assessed What. "We should think of a new prank."
     "There's something I've always wondered," began Sicko. "GOD, exactly how did we all, heh, 'come' into existence as humans?"
     "Hmm, well, this looks like the perfect time for a flashback about our origins," determined GOD.
     "We can do that?" queried Psycho.
     "Oh, nasty!"
     "Of course. After all, this is just a short story."

     "Push!" Shouted the doctor. "I can see his head!"
     "It's a boy!"
     The newborn child looked about the room he was now in. Glancing over at his mother, and where he came from, the boy clearly spoke two words:
     "Oh, nasty!"
     ...and resumed his crying.

     "It's a boy!"
     Holding the child upside-down, the doctor administered a slap to the bottom, which is standard procedure.
     What he didn't expect was for the child to retort by pulling a large axe out of seemingly nowhere to slash him across his chest. In a splash of blood and entrails, the boy landed safely on the counter, where he began playing with a small object that landed beside him.
     "Spleen!" giggled the baby.

     A young couple arrived at the reception counter of their hospital. They explained that she was due to have her child soon and was in for a check-up.
     "Oh, wait here for a moment," said the nurse. In a few seconds, she returned with a crying, newborn child. "Here's your son!" she explained. "He arrived on an earlier flight."
     "WHAT?" cried both parents.
     "Goo, gee, ga!"

     "WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" shrieked the newborn boy in his mother's hospital room.
     "I don't get it," spoke the headache-stricken doctor. "I've had babies cry for hours since delivery, but never any this loud for this long."
     "Do you think he might be in pain, doctor?" questioned the nurse.
     "I just don't know." The doctor leaned forward to take another look at the child. Suddenly the boy snatched two pencils from the doctor's pocket. "Hey, give those back! You might hurt yourself!"
     "Wait!" The nurse stopped him. "He's actually stopped crying!"
     The baby, smiling now, began rapping the pencils on the counter he sat on. Soon, he was playing the drum solo from In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.

     "BUT I AM PUSHING!" screamed the laboring woman.
     "We should be able to see that head by now. What's wrong?"
     "Hey... what the?" The doctor was shocked to see a small envelope protruding from the mother-to-be.
     "What does it say, doctor?" asked the nurse.
     "It says 'I'll be out in five minutes. Not done packing yet.'"

     "So basically, we're all human, but our Strange Powers within were evident from the first day," concluded What.
     "First two minutes, I'd say," added Drum Boy.
     "I don't know about you guys, but I found that entire sequence to be very nasty." stated Sicko.
     "I'm still hungry!" whined Annoying.
     "Wait a minute," spoke Psycho, "wuddabout you, GOD?"
     "Well, as you know, I didn't have a mortal 'childhood'."
     "So how did this work out?" queried Drum Boy.
     "Well, and only because you asked, I just woke up one morning, stark naked and in a field. I got up, looked around, and realized that I was truly alive."
     "Now there's a man who's outstanding in his field," jested Annoying.
     "And that's it?" asked What.
     "Well, then I went and robbed a clothing store," continued GOD.
     "Well..." stated Drum Boy.
     The group sat around for a few minutes, saying nothing.
     "Anybody seen Parin recently?" asked Psycho.
     The six looked around at each other. Not one of them had.

     Meanwhile, at Parin's house, the wet-willie magnet was laying on the floor, still trying to wiggle his way out of his duct tape bindings.

     The Strange Society sat around for another three minutes with nothing happening.
     "Can we go hunt something yet? I'm HUNGRY!" pleaded Annoying.
     "I suppose," answered What.
     "YES!" Annoying pulled out an array of protractors and started for the door.
     "Which should we go for today?" asked Sicko.
     "How about..." Psycho inched toward the door... "cat?"
     "No, you aren't..." realized Drum Boy. Psycho darted out the door. "SAM!" Drum Boy dashed after him.
     "Oh, well," reasoned What.
     "Is it just me, or was this less than your standard story?" wondered Sicko.
     "I think something is going to happen soon. This is just the calm before the storm," interpreted GOD.
     "That's pretty heavy," responded What.
     "'That' sometimes is." added Sicko.
     "Let's go," concluded GOD. The last three members left the room to join in the hunt.

[ST HomePage] [Previous story] [Next story in sequence]
Wait! This is when the Bane World Saga book I was written and released! Read it to understand references in the following stories.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions? Deep Concern? Please contact me,
Last page update: 8-10-98