DP's Log of Operation Destruction, daily log of the Strange Stories Last update -- 5-13-98 Monday, 2-16 I am Dangerously Psycho of the former Strange Table, now the Strange Society. By the suggestion of GOD, I am keeping a journal of everything we do as a group to increase our strange powers as human-enclosed Banes, or whatever it is GOD calls us. Besides being a group of beings from a microcosm created by the gods as a prison who were released to bring about the apocalypse with the powers we posess as creatures of complete free will and no self-control, we are pretty much your average teenagers. Well, except Drum Boy anyway. He has a 22-year-old cat, and dat's just plain odd. Saturday was great. To celebrate Valentine's Day, the ST dipped things into chocolate. Sure, many of the animals ran away shrieking, but it's only because Dude had the burner under the cauldron up much too high and the boiling chocolate burned their skin. Next time we'll have to render the animals unconcious first. Sunday, Drum Boy was showing us the pleasures of hunting wildlie with high explosives when a park ranger appoached and asked us what the hell we were doing. What DeHelizat fielded the man's unusual questions, and in the end the guy gave us the keys to his jeep. We were going to give it back to him when we were done, but Drum Boy swore he sa a squirrel run undrneath it and blew up the whole thing. We never did find the squirrel, but then again, we never did find the steering wheel either. GOD's comment after the explosion was "Cool." Dat's all for now. It's Annoying's turn to take us around this afternoon. I'll have more to report tomorrow. Tuesday, 2-17 Yesterday sure was a blast for the ST. Annoying hijacked one of those US Postal Service cars with the steering wheel on the wrong side. We were disappointed in the unimpressive speeds it could reach until we realized that the thing was being weighed down by about eight sacks of letters and stuff. I was about to heave 'em out the back, but Sicko insisted we let him search though the mess for magazines, and it was Drum Boy who suggested we put them all in mailboxes. We spent a good deal of the afternoon filling up those blue mailboxes everywhere with the mail we had. Then we blew up the mailboxes. We went by Dude's afterward. He was rather intrigued by the small vehicle and traded us a half-dozen glue guns for it. I thought we got the better deal, but the things don't shoot nearly as well as caulking guns. We had fun with them anyway. You wouldn't believe how frantically a squirrel will flail its legs when it is firmly attached to a ceiling with hot glue. I wonder if it's still up there in the gazebo in the park. Wedesday, 2-18 At school yesterday morning, we were in the sloped hallway leading to the music wing riding on the equipment carts when Puff suddenly ran toward us, holding his flashlight and shouting at us like a maniac. I think he was mad, but we never got to find out because 'dat's when one of the lockers exploded and wrapped the combo-lock door around the security guard's head. While Sicko was laughing about how nasty the experience was and Drum Boy was whining about the sudden loss of his M-80 collection, the fire alarm went off and we all ran outside. Half the school was there on the damp front lawn, and many of them were complaining about how cold they were, so we decided to have a game of Ultimate Frizbee on the repaired marching band practice field. (They put grass down instead of concrete after the alien crashed there.) We actually managed to finish the game, first to score 50, ten minutes before the school day ended. After school, we played again. Thursday, 2-19 Yesterday was pretty relaxed for us. Without Drum Boy's M-80's, we couldn't blow up the school's trash cans like we'd planned, so instead we decided to search for archiological treasures under the football field. We almost gave up, but then What discoved an ancient gas line! It must have dated back to the 70's or earlier! Proud of our achievement, we left our work to go off hunting. Friday, 2-20 After school, the ST decided to build a snow fort, but we were displeased to find 'dat there still isn't any snow around here. What reminded us of the machine Dude made for us three years ago, but rather than walk all the way to his house, we went to a nearby construction site and borrowed some excavation and demolition equipment to build it out of dirt and stuff. Don't get me wrong here, we had full intentions of giving the machinery back, but Sicko somehow managed to burrow his bulldozer halfway into the mud, and we decided just to give up and leave the vehicles there on Parin's front lawn. We didn't really want our fort in front of his house anyway. We're planning a trip this weekend, but What hasn't told us where we're going yet. I guess we'll just ave to wait and see... Monday, 2-23 The ST just returned this morning after a long road trip. I'm not entirely sure where it was we went, but I'm pretty certain it was well beyond the other side of Lincolnwood. Actually, we ended up somewhere in Florida. We were able to see many new sights, including a bunch of retired people, an amusement park where the foolish people dress as very large prey (we were ejected from the park for attacking the animals) and an alligator which we had for lunch. Other than dat, there wasn't much to see. Tuesday, 2-24 It looks like we were lucky. All the destruction we caused in Florida over the weekend was blamed on some guy named L. Nino... GOD, in another effort to strengthen our powers as human-enclosed Banes, had us attempt aerobic exercise yesterday, claiming something about fitness increasing our strange output or wuddever. In any case, we were all doing jumping jacks and stuff until some angry guy came out of his house and shouted at us to get off his front lawn. We felt sorry 'dat the guy blew a gasket, so we watered his lawn to make up for it. The last we saw of his house was as it floated away down the street in the flood of water from the tower we overturned. Anything to help a person. Since the ground was too wet there afterward, we decided to go hunting insted. Thursday, 2-26 To celebrate my birthday yesterday, the entire ST took the day off from school. We took the Protractormobile to Pennsylvania in search of an alleged chocolate town which is supposed to be there somewhere. We never did find it, but we did find a huge factory. It was quite easy to subdue the workers, so we got to look around on our own within minutes of arriving. Sicko kept laughing and announcing to everybody 'dat he was "smothering himself with Kisses." I don't get it. Everyone, after a "dip" in the vats, became immensely wired in only a half an hour. By the time the police arrived, we were springing around everywhere. They began chasing us and pursued with their cars accross 2 1/2 states before disappearing from view. GOD seemed pretty amazed by how fast we could run after all the sugar. The day complete, we all went to Annoying's to watch the new South Park. Kick*ss. The ST is going on a nature retreat starting tomorrow. I'll have a full report when we get back on Tuesday. "Tuesday," The nature retreat went exceedingly well. The ST discovered the unending joys of forcing animals out of a forest by setting it on fire. We didn't catch too many however, but Sicko did kill a rabbit when he was knocked on top of it by the charging buck. Rabbit is stringy if you undercook it. Today, we're planning to apply the properties we've learned in physics class at Parin's house. Are forces equal and opposite? Only time will tell. (Amended later) Well wuddya know? They are! I hope he can clean up the mess before his mom get home. Wednesday, The funniest thing happened today. Drum Boy was walking along when, suddenly, he threw up. He blamed it on the rabbit. Thursday, It turns out Drum Boy has some kind of flu or something. To make him feel better, the rest of us decided to make him some chicken soup. Now, naturally, if you want to make chicken soup, you have to start with some chicken. We were trying to figure out where we could a large amount of chicken so we could make a whole vat of soup, and Sicko remembered this buffet place which had chicken in the evening. We all got big sacks and went out for dinner. Soon after, we got home with nothing. Stupid restaurant owner. Stole our bags. To make a long story short, we finally decided 'dat it really didn't matter which animal we used in the soup. The five of us went hunting, and Drum Boy was happy to share the moose soup we made with the rest of us. Friday, All six of us are home sick today. Oooooh... Saturday, I had a very important announcement to make for the ST this morning. We all gathered and everyone was really anxious to hear wuddi had to say. But there I was, just about to let the cat out of the bag, when suddenly... I decided to eat the cat intead. Oh, well. It's not like the message was really all 'dat important anyway. Sunday, Today GOD suggested 'dat a great way of perfecting our strange Bane powers would be to engage in an all-out game of paintball. We were careful to follow all of the safety procedures. We made sure we all knew how to load our guns and keep them in working condition, made certain we had all of the correct safety gear and uniforms, and read over the rules and procedures three times. Then we went to Parin's house and pelted him with paintballs. Needless to say, it was quite a fulfilling day. Monday, Today, we decided it would be a good idea to test one another with an obstacle course. We set up hurdles, dug ditches, suspended swinging ropes and created large puddles of mud across the terrain. When Mr. Puff spotted us, he started shrieking some sort of bloody murder about how we'd destroyed the gym. He tried to give chase, but slipped in the mud and ended up getting his leg caught in one of the holes we'd made in the floorboards. Recollecting the incident, GOD declared 'dat Puff had failed the course. We plan to try it again in a few days.